All of us face changes in our lives all the time. Some changes are big. Some are small. Some seem insignificant. Some turn our worlds upside down. Some are for the better. Some aren't.
So what do we do? How do we deal with change? How do we face things that aren't nice and pretty and neatly tied up in packages? How do we make ourselves believe in the good when it seems like we're surrounded by bad? Anyone...?
I don't think any of us really have the answer. I could go the cliche route and say "Oh I just pray about it," which is fine. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the power of prayer. But I also believe that I am not a patient person. I don't always feel like praying. Sometimes I feel like screaming and crying and throwing things.
In the past several months, I've had a few very personal experiences with change. None of them have been seemingly positive. All of them have made me scream and cry (I can't remember throwing anything...I think). And I still haven't figured out how to deal with them.
This weekend, another change is coming in my life. It's both good and bad. My amazing youth minister, Beth Thomason, will spend her last Sunday at First Christian, Huntsville, before taking on a new role as the senior minister at Madison Christian in Madison. For the past two months or so, I've been serving on the going-away committee, planning an event for this weekend to help celebrate her ministry over the past 11 years. It has been an incredible bittersweet experience. "How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to." It's a quote that has never seemed more true.
Beth and her family aren't actually moving and I'm thankful that God has called her to serve in a place where she will still be close to home, but it can't entirely ease the pain. It's a change that hurts, and this weekend will not be easy.
I've had a similar experience having to say goodbye to another person who I cared for greatly. Without going into too much detail, let it suffice to say that it is a hurt unlike any other. It's a hurt that shows no signs of going away. And it's a hurt that sticks in your throat when you so much as think about them.
So how do I deal with all this change? I honestly don't know. I wake up every morning and put one foot in front of the other. As for Beth, my comfort lies in knowing that she is going to be happy in her new position and that this will be another step in her journey of faith, and hopefully one that will nurture her as much as she has nurtured me. As for the other situation, I can't say.
But at the end of the day, I try to think of that quote. I try to remind myself that I am so fortunate that I've had people in my life who have meant so much to me that it would hurt this much to say goodbye. For Beth, it's not goodbye. It's just "See you in Madison." For the other person, again I can't say. I hope it's not goodbye. I hope that there's something left to be said. And if not, I simply hope that one day it won't hurt so much. And one day, that won't be the first and last thing on my mind as I wake up and go to bed every night.
Ultimately, I'm discovering that change can be the realest (is that a word?) form of hurt, and they don't make bandaids big enough to heal it.
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