All of us face changes in our lives all the time. Some changes are big. Some are small. Some seem insignificant. Some turn our worlds upside down. Some are for the better. Some aren't.
So what do we do? How do we deal with change? How do we face things that aren't nice and pretty and neatly tied up in packages? How do we make ourselves believe in the good when it seems like we're surrounded by bad? Anyone...?
I don't think any of us really have the answer. I could go the cliche route and say "Oh I just pray about it," which is fine. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the power of prayer. But I also believe that I am not a patient person. I don't always feel like praying. Sometimes I feel like screaming and crying and throwing things.
In the past several months, I've had a few very personal experiences with change. None of them have been seemingly positive. All of them have made me scream and cry (I can't remember throwing anything...I think). And I still haven't figured out how to deal with them.
This weekend, another change is coming in my life. It's both good and bad. My amazing youth minister, Beth Thomason, will spend her last Sunday at First Christian, Huntsville, before taking on a new role as the senior minister at Madison Christian in Madison. For the past two months or so, I've been serving on the going-away committee, planning an event for this weekend to help celebrate her ministry over the past 11 years. It has been an incredible bittersweet experience. "How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to." It's a quote that has never seemed more true.
Beth and her family aren't actually moving and I'm thankful that God has called her to serve in a place where she will still be close to home, but it can't entirely ease the pain. It's a change that hurts, and this weekend will not be easy.
I've had a similar experience having to say goodbye to another person who I cared for greatly. Without going into too much detail, let it suffice to say that it is a hurt unlike any other. It's a hurt that shows no signs of going away. And it's a hurt that sticks in your throat when you so much as think about them.
So how do I deal with all this change? I honestly don't know. I wake up every morning and put one foot in front of the other. As for Beth, my comfort lies in knowing that she is going to be happy in her new position and that this will be another step in her journey of faith, and hopefully one that will nurture her as much as she has nurtured me. As for the other situation, I can't say.
But at the end of the day, I try to think of that quote. I try to remind myself that I am so fortunate that I've had people in my life who have meant so much to me that it would hurt this much to say goodbye. For Beth, it's not goodbye. It's just "See you in Madison." For the other person, again I can't say. I hope it's not goodbye. I hope that there's something left to be said. And if not, I simply hope that one day it won't hurt so much. And one day, that won't be the first and last thing on my mind as I wake up and go to bed every night.
Ultimately, I'm discovering that change can be the realest (is that a word?) form of hurt, and they don't make bandaids big enough to heal it.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
If it makes you happy...
...it can't be that bad. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?...
I'm beginning to notice a common thread in all of my blogs...they all start out with song lyrics. This really wasn't at all intentional, but I guess it just sort of happened that way.
However, this entry's lyrics are brought to you courtesy of Sheryl Crow and "It It Makes You Happy." I've always found the chorus of that song to be very interesting.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, but I've decided that happiness is an extremely difficult subject to tackle. And I think Sheryl might have a point. Often times, I find that the things that make us happy are the same things that serve as points of contention, frustration, anger, and downright hurt. You can love someone with every single piece of your heart, and never feel it in return. The action of loving someone makes you happy. You find joy in seeing them, excitement from their smile, etc...but if you don't feel it in return, just how happy are you? "If it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad?" Does that mean that we should avoid trying to be happy in the first place if we know it isn't going to end well? Does the fear of the happiness causing eventual pain prevent us from striving for happiness at all?
I don't think so. Another favorite quote of mine is "Never regret anything because at one point in time it was exactly what you wanted." The thing you wanted the most at one point might eventually break your heart...the boy that doesn't love you back, the seemingly amazing job that turns it's back on you and lays you off, the husband or wife who betrays your fidelity and trust. However, I still find that quote to be most certainly true. I try to treat every experience with a certain amount of respect, knowing that some kind of wisdom can always be gained, whether or not the eventual outcome is what I wanted it to be. I recently heard this line on Grey's Anatomy and was struck, not only by the poignancy of it, but the accuracy..."Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful but they're the only way to find out who you really are." I think the same goes for happiness. Sometimes we have to make a big mistake to figure out what really makes us happy. And the mistakes we make throughout our journies are definitely painful, but at some point along the way, we couldn't have been happier.
I am also reminded of the great Henry Miller and his famous quote on life...I think it ties right into happiness, too...
"Life moves on whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
So we look to the future, hoping for the best and sometimes expecting the worst, trying to ease the pain of eventual disappointment. But how much happier we would all be if we lived as the beautiful Grace Kelly instructed..."One shouldn't talk about the future. It's the best way to mess it up."
I'm beginning to notice a common thread in all of my blogs...they all start out with song lyrics. This really wasn't at all intentional, but I guess it just sort of happened that way.
However, this entry's lyrics are brought to you courtesy of Sheryl Crow and "It It Makes You Happy." I've always found the chorus of that song to be very interesting.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, but I've decided that happiness is an extremely difficult subject to tackle. And I think Sheryl might have a point. Often times, I find that the things that make us happy are the same things that serve as points of contention, frustration, anger, and downright hurt. You can love someone with every single piece of your heart, and never feel it in return. The action of loving someone makes you happy. You find joy in seeing them, excitement from their smile, etc...but if you don't feel it in return, just how happy are you? "If it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad?" Does that mean that we should avoid trying to be happy in the first place if we know it isn't going to end well? Does the fear of the happiness causing eventual pain prevent us from striving for happiness at all?
I don't think so. Another favorite quote of mine is "Never regret anything because at one point in time it was exactly what you wanted." The thing you wanted the most at one point might eventually break your heart...the boy that doesn't love you back, the seemingly amazing job that turns it's back on you and lays you off, the husband or wife who betrays your fidelity and trust. However, I still find that quote to be most certainly true. I try to treat every experience with a certain amount of respect, knowing that some kind of wisdom can always be gained, whether or not the eventual outcome is what I wanted it to be. I recently heard this line on Grey's Anatomy and was struck, not only by the poignancy of it, but the accuracy..."Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful but they're the only way to find out who you really are." I think the same goes for happiness. Sometimes we have to make a big mistake to figure out what really makes us happy. And the mistakes we make throughout our journies are definitely painful, but at some point along the way, we couldn't have been happier.
I am also reminded of the great Henry Miller and his famous quote on life...I think it ties right into happiness, too...
"Life moves on whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
So we look to the future, hoping for the best and sometimes expecting the worst, trying to ease the pain of eventual disappointment. But how much happier we would all be if we lived as the beautiful Grace Kelly instructed..."One shouldn't talk about the future. It's the best way to mess it up."
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